he won't open up

solitaryshell · Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:13 am Post subject: he won't open up

My boyfriend is bipolar. However he will never tell me whats wrong, i know he is bipolar but i do wanna know what "set him off" - as he puts it - and he will never tell me, he says its nothing when it obviously is. He usually tells me but now I'm tearing my hair out trying to get him to talk to me! This isn't so much about me, i just... i want him not to shut me out! I get that he might not wanna tell me but he has mentioned suicide, the only reason he says he hasn't is because i always keep my word and i'd commit suicide straight after him. He tells me to leave whatever is bothering him and i don't for about an hour but then i do, when hes stubborn theres no point in even trying. Hes relentless and is always there for me no matter what, i want to do the same but i don't understand why he won't open up, its not like i would tell anyone even if i had people to tell! and he knows that!

any advice would be muchly appreciated

alx · Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 8:24 pm Post subject:

Firstly you have to understand that he doesn't think like you. Remember that things you think are stupid will be perfectly normal for him. Trust me, there are lots of things that girls do that we think are dumn, its the same for both sexes.

Baring this in mind, you might want to consider that he doesn't want and doesn't need to open up.
Guys deal with things in differnt ways, don't dehumanise him for doing things his way and not yours.

You shouldn't try to force him, just be supportive. Remember that with most forms of clinical depresion it is better to listen and give sympathy that to try and fix the problem, however tempting it is.

I think that taking his mind off whatever it is would be a good line to go down. Get close to him physicly and share your personal space.

When I was with my last gf, lying sideways with her in my arms chilled me out loads.

solitaryshell · Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 12:01 pm Post subject:

We can't see each other for 4 weeks Sad

Thanks for the tip though Smile

I understand he doesn't think the same as me, he won't believe me when i say i don't think anything is stupid whatever the problem, which scratches away at the back of my mind & he gets upset even more because i won't show it. I mean; I can't do much over msn or the phone. The fact we're both pagan & he said since he met me some of his beliefs he have changed so much there almost their opposite if not disregarded completely, freaked me out. It is weird because he's strengthened mine - and they're the same, except one or two minor details history-wise. My reaction was: "What the f*ck?!" and he continued to go on to tell me that he didn't believe in love at first sight but was "loved" me about a week after we got involved, we only said i love you practically a fortnight ago and he said it usually takes him 6 months, we'd be lucky if that was 3!
This just sounds a bit warped to me because:
1. I'm 15
2. He's already joked about how he will propose if he had the money
3. I'm in way over my head here are'nt I?

alx · Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:29 pm Post subject:

1. How old is he?

2. Take it as a joke, nothing more.

3. Yes

XD-bear · Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 11:26 pm Post subject:

you are completely in over your head

look, you cant force him to open up, drop things after a minute or two if he wants to open up he will,if not,then its not going to help at all

he needs to be comfortable

i had a minor bi-polar episode... about... maybe 2 years ago, the only way to get over it is through talking about it when your ready

i went to a councellor a lot.. but i wasnt ready to open up, it wasnt anything to do with her or the people in my life at the time, just i myself wasnt ready to face up to what was happening...i tried to be by seeing her in the 1st place

it was only in january when i was finally able to deal with my reasons for feeling the way i did... and now that i have i dont go from one extreme to the other and generally im one of the happiest people i know

its ridiculously uncommon for people to escape bi-polar without medication, but i didnt have it really strongly

what matters is that your there for him as much as he will let you be and let him come to terms with things on his own, because for himself its really important

solitaryshell · Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:03 am Post subject:

He's told me now, and thank f*ck, he wasn't thinking about proposing it was just that he missed me loads . . .
which i didn't believe at first but he seemed genuine. and hes a few years older than me. not paedophilia or anything though. I guess it just goes to show you shouldn't listen to anyone but who has the problem. sorry for wasting your time guys.

XD-bear · Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject:

..... so... what you cared about was the proposing thing....

that makes me sad on SO many levels Sad

solitaryshell · Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 10:05 pm Post subject:

what?? why?

XD-bear · Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 12:12 pm Post subject:

you cared about the fact that he proposed...

not the fact that he wouldnt open up

thats SO trivial in comparison to his mental state and how he relates to you

solitaryshell · Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 2:13 pm Post subject:

well obviously i'm gonna care, he'd be insane. as for his mental state that wasn't even a blip on the radar i just panicked. the fact i don't want to get married would break his heart, which is why i was so worried about it.
can someone lock this please?

XD-bear · Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:32 pm Post subject:

... i guess Sad