here it is = ( (i know its bad)

krzykool182 · Regular Age: 16 Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 135

come into her lonely world,
before it is too late
be the first to see,
her world filled with hate
watch her disappear,
feeling as lonely as can be
come into her lonely world,
and see what you can see

find this lonely girl,
and help her get well
find that lonely girl,
and save her from her he**
come in to her lonely world,
before it is too late
help her before she commits,
oh wait...

***tell me what u think***

fallen_angel · Regular Age: 19 Joined: 19 May 2006 Posts: 83

Honestly..its not bad.. I enjoyed reading it..

xx Princess xx · Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 6:59 pm Post subject:

I dont no wot u on saying this is bad, tis really good Well done deary x

krzykool182 · Regular Age: 16 Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 135

someone else comment...please?...i think i want to change it a little...any ideas?

Hopper17041993 · Regular Age: 45 Joined: 17 Mar 2007 Posts: 78

Honey, that is not bad! You are a star for poetry, you truly are that is fab!
Why would you want to change it?!
I don't know why you want to change it but I tweaked it a little bit to see what you think...

Come this girls lonely world,
Come before it is too late,
Come be the first to see,
Her world filled with hate.

Watch her disappear,
She feels as lonely as can be
Come into her lonely world,
and tell her what you see…

Find this lonely girl,
and help her get well,
Find that lonely girl,
and save her from her he l l.

Come to her lonely world,
Save her before it’s too late,
Help her before she kills herself!
Oh damn, oh wait...

alx · Wanker Age: 16 Joined: 05 Nov 2006 Posts: 3301

I liked
"help her before she commits,
oh wait..."

Better.